John Rachal's Blog

At 3 a.m. on several mornings Secret Service agents have heard the President moaning and screaming “What did I do wrong?” at the Vladimir Putin portrait hanging above the fireplace in the family quarters

There has been a mass retirement of Secret Service agents fearful of getting assigned to the Trump detail at the whites-only Home for the Mentally Disturbed in upstate New York

Melania has filed for divorce on the grounds that her husband “is a blathering, whining, blubbering, constantly crying, moaning, certifiable idiot”

Jared Kushner has scoured the entire White House looking for all the gold-plaited .357 magnums out of concern that the President might take the Hitler exit

Kushner has applied for a job at Harvard’s Admissions Office for Very Wealthy Donors’ Sons as administrative assistant and advisor

The President has demanded that Justices Gorsuch, Kavanaugh, and Barrett be brought before the Supreme Court on charges of failing to give him the election and “general ingratitude”

Sean Hannity sent a congratulatory note to President-elect Biden and said “Joe, just want you to know that I was just kidding the last four years. You need a press secretary?”

Laura Ingraham, first woman to hold the title of Honorary Imperial Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan, was found by police in her Washington apartment with four empty bottles of Jack Daniels screaming “Coup! Coup!”

Vice-President Pence told his minister that he agreed that he would spend the next 25 years in a monastery cell begging for absolution for galactic-scale hypocrisy

The White Knights of the Ku Klux Klan and three militia organizations pooled their resources and purchased a boxcar load of new and used Trump flags for $7.98 total, plus tax, to be used for recruitment purposes

Attorney General William Barr sent Russian President Vladimir Putin an eighteen page letter asking if Russia needed a new Justice Czar

President Trump’s former and current White House press secretaries Sean Spicer, Sarah Huckabee-Sanders, and Kayleigh McEnany have proposed establishing a Presidential Press Office Integrity Institute to any university interested in hiring them at appropriate salaries and tenured, full professor rank

President Trump stated in the press briefing room that the Founding Fathers made it quite clear in the Constitution that vote counters were required to wear Go-Pro video cameras as they counted votes

At the Lincoln Memorial, several visitors claimed to have seen a smile on Abe’s face