Trump’s Scariest Debate Reference

Last night was the first and probably only debate between Donald Trump and Kamala Harris. Harris virtually demolished Trump; her margin of victory among those polled on the question of who won was 26%. So what was the most alarming thing Trump said or refused to say in the debate? That Haitian immigrants in Springfield, Ohio were eating the pet dogs and cats of people in that community? That “everybody” wanted to see Roe v. Wade overturned? That he refused to answer whether or not he would sign a bill implementing a nationwide ban on abortion? That he refused to answer the question of whether he wanted to see Ukraine win its war with Russia? (Close, very close, but not quite the most alarming.) That he lamented the deaths of Russian soldiers but did not specifically lament innocent Ukrainian citizens’ deaths? (Again, very close). On those last two, and on his claim that if elected he would end the war before his inauguration, he all but stated what we have long known: He would abandon Ukraine. The man he admires, Vladimir Putin, would be given an American imprimatur in Putin’s invasion of a free country.

Trump’s entire campaign is premised on scaring us into voting for him. Crime is “down all over the world” but has reached astronomical levels here due to Harris and Biden. (Another lie of course; moderator David Muir corrected him by noting that the FBI reports violent crime is down.) If “she” gets elected, “this country doesn’t have a chance of success”; he even at one point said World War III will follow. The classic demagogue, Trump campaigns on fear—fear that hell itself will ensue if he is not elected. But he does say things that really are scary though he doesn’t mean them to be.

A case can be made that the most alarming thing he said was to praise Viktor Orban because the autocrat—some have said dictator—of Hungary has visited Trump twice this year and praised him. Trump is easily suckered by flattery, but in this case the flattery appears genuine. Orban does like Trump. When Harris said that European leaders laughed at him, Trump’s response was to say how much Orban thought of him, claiming that Orban said that “the most respected, most feared person is Donald Trump,” and that China, North Korea, and Russia were afraid of Trump, which Orban admired.

So did Trump refer to any mutual respect, much less chumminess, he might have with leaders of actual western democracies? No, he did not. Canada, Britain, France, Germany, Sweden, Finland did not come up. Certainly not Zelensky of Ukraine in eastern Europe. Nor did Japan or South Korea. Trump chose Viktor Orban as his soul mate, apparently the only European leader who does like Trump. Here is the man Trump is so proud to be aligned with according to journalist and Pulitzer-prize-winning historian Anne Applebaum, author of Gulag, A History; Twilight of Democracy; and Autocracy, Inc.:

“First, Orbán’s control of the media raises obvious concerns, since it is difficult to hear the voice of opposition leaders in a country that systematically favors the ruling party. [One interviewee Applebaum cites estimates that 90% of Hungarian media is controlled by Orban’s regime.] Second, under Orbán, parliamentary districts were redrawn. The districts are superficially plausible, unlike the geometrically absurd dimensions of many districts in the US, but the upshot of the redrawing is clear: liberal-leaning districts in cities contain more people than conservative rural districts, which gives conservatives more voting power. The effect is obvious: in both 2014 and 2018, the Fidesz party received less than 50 percent of the vote, but retained a two-thirds majority in Parliament after both elections. Finally, Orbán and his party have reshaped the judiciary. They expanded the number of seats on the constitutional court, and also forced justices over 62 to retire. By 2015, 11 of the 15 justices on the court, which decides if laws are constitutional, were nominated by Orbán and confirmed by his Parliament. It is not so difficult to retain power when one enjoys broad control over the press, election procedures, and the judiciary.”  

The Heritage Foundation’s Project 2025 is designed with Viktor Orban’s model in Hungary very much in mind. Though Trump falsely claims to have no knowledge of Project 2025, the Orban tactics of creeping authoritarianism and permanent power (Orban has been prime minister for fourteen years) are precisely the tactics Trump hopes to implement in America if re-elected. The Heritage Foundation’s president Kevin Roberts has cited Orban’s policies as the model for “institutionalizing Trumpism.” This is why Trump so admires Orban. He has done in Hungary exactly what Trump hopes to do here.

The Trump Way

There are a few fundamental laws that govern the life of Donald Trump. The first and most fundamental, the one from which all the others directly or indirectly flow, is that self-interest is the North Star of all his actions. National interest, public interest, even family interest are all secondary, even tertiary, to the one consuming goal of his life: the pursuit of what is good for him. Money is good, fame is good, ostentatious self-glorification is good, adulation from others is good, subservience and loyalty from others are good. Anyone who disagrees with him is both wrong and bad. Private sector work is good (despite six bankruptcies); public sector work is, if not quite bad, not really work (Kamala Harris has never had a job, he says). Military service is particularly bad—filled with “suckers” and “losers” as Jeffrey Goldberg first reported. Goldberg cites two other quotes acquired from anonymous sources close to Trump: With Marine General John Kelly at Kelly’s son’s grave in Arlington, a son who died in Afghanistan, Trump asked “his” general: “I don’t get it. What’s in it for them?” The fact that he doesn’t get it is precisely the problem—he simply does not have a psychological make-up capable of understanding national service; for him it’s a waste of your life, a strange acknowledgment that self-interest and your own safety might not be paramount. This same obliviousness was evident when the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Joseph Dunford gave a presentation and Trump asked an aide, “That guy’s smart. Why did he join the military?”

A second Trump law is to never, ever admit that you were wrong. Admitting error is weakness, and a projection of pretended strength is critical to the man who, at some subconscious, reptilian level, knows he is weak. In this same vein, he can never apologize, for the very reason that to do so is to admit error and thus weakness. When charged with something for which he should apologize, he must never retreat; he must double down on the original claim. The most egregious example is his January 6th coup attempt. The election, he must continue to claim (and in total self-delusion may actually believe), was rigged, and the insurrectionists who stormed the Capitol are now “patriots,” all deserving pardons. Offense is always better than defense; not only should you never apologize, you should accuse your enemy of the very thing you are guilty of. I-did-nothing-wrong-Trump of course never attempted a coup, but Biden and Harris actually committed one—Trump actually uses the word coup—when Biden stepped down and passed the baton to Harris.

For Trump, and for dictators and despots the world over, lying has no moral opprobrium at all but instead is a legitimate means of self-service. All lies—unless they issue from former opponents such as “lying Ted” Cruz or current ones like Kamala Harris—are, for Trump, natural statecraft, as natural as breathing, akin to a trick play in football. One is a fool not to lie: they are useful in that they hide unpleasant truths, glorify oneself by taking unjustified credit, smear enemies, or divert blame to others: thus he never had a sexual relationship with porn star Stormy Daniels or Playboy model Karen McDougal; he never sexually assaulted Jean Carroll; his inaugural crowd was the largest ever. The lies can be easily disproved or fact checked by a vigilant press such as The Washington Post’s documenting over 30,000 lies and untruths just in the four years of his administration, or by a knowledgeable insider: Trump claims he never called U.S. military service members suckers and losers, while a trusted general like John Kelly says he most certainly did. So you never retreat and just double down on the lie—No, I never said that—and move on. You never trouble yourself that a lie might have a moral dimension, even if you do possess a moral imagination. Whether the lie claims something good or denies something bad, it is always for self-advancement, and that is good. Hence lying itself is good. In Trump’s inverted moral universe–to the extent he has one at all–lying is a virtue.

When things go south, the Trump Way is always, always blame others. Externalize all blame since taking responsibility for your bad actions or statements is for suckers. He couldn’t, for example, go to the World War I graveyard in France because (he claimed) the Secret Service said it was unsafe to helicopter there because it was raining, when the real reasons were that he did not want to go because the cemetery was filled with “losers” for getting killed and he didn’t want to muss his hair in the rain. While the rule is to blame others for the bad, the corollary is that you claim credit—and the devotion it entails—for anything good, even if you in fact worked against that very good. Trump claims that he was and will be the best president for black people since Abraham Lincoln. From his demand for the death penalty for the eventually DNA-exonerated Central Park Five, to his dinner at Mar-a-Lago with avowed white supremacist Nick Fuentes, to the recent “black jobs” comment, to his support for voter suppression laws, his racism is undisguised.

The fact that forty-seven percent of Americans will vote for this ignorant, dishonest, and dangerous narcissist—after all we have seen with our own lying eyes—continues to amaze me. He accuses Harris of being a flip-flopper. This from a man who once said Hillary would make a great president and whose views on abortion have shifted with the wind literally overnight. His own flip-flopping is never the result of a reflective and conscientious change of mind, or even the result of necessity in the process of political compromise. Rather it results from his attempt to ingratiate himself with whichever voting bloc he is addressing at the moment. Every statement, every act, no matter how feigned, is designed for personal and political applause.

In his pretense of religiosity he has used the Bible as a political prop, and in his pretense of respect for military service he used Arlington National Cemetery as a political prop. The photo of a grinning, thumbs-up Trump standing by the graves at Arlington of those he believes to be “losers” with some family members who support him is a desecration nothing short of nauseating. This political stunt had nothing to do with actual respect or reverence for thirteen deaths in an American war, nothing at all. It was all for perceived political gain, namely to blame Biden and by extension Harris for those deaths in the evacuation of Kabul, an evacuation Trump himself had set in motion as president. The fact that federal law prohibits the use of Arlington for political purposes is one more law to be ignored and broken for his personal gain.

If Trump is re-elected, it will be, to use one of Trump’s favorite accusations, a disgrace. If he is re-elected, shame, shame on us—our greatest national shame since slavery.

Lucky Guy

(Written the day after the event)

Late yesterday afternoon there was an attempted assassination of Trump, apparently from a man with a rifle atop a one-story building outside the perimeter of the rally. A bullet apparently nicked Trump’s ear and he, along with virtually all of the rally-goers behind him, ducked down, or possibly in his case fell down as several Secret Service agents surrounded him and with difficulty lifted him up. Secret Service snipers, or perhaps some other federal agency, zeroed in on the would-be assassin and killed him, but not before the bullet meant for Trump killed a rally-goer, while another was wounded apparently in the wrist. Trump was hustled off, shaking his fist and yelling to the crowd what seemed to be “fight, fight, fight.”

Certainly violence and specifically assassination should be off the table in American politics today, though clearly it is not. I am not so sure, however, that I could honestly say that if I lived under Vladimir Putin’s rule or, even more obviously, Hitler’s. But not here. Of course our politics have become so inflamed that violent outbreaks, even including assassination, should not be terribly surprising. For me the greater surprise is that the attempt was against Trump rather than Biden, given the right wing’s love of guns, proclivity for violence (e.g., January 6th), Trump’s not-so-subtle encouragement of violence and generally hate-filled inflammatory rhetoric, and the right’s resulting hatred of Biden. Nancy Pelosi rightly condemned the assassination attempt in terms similar to her condemnation of the wounding of Republican House leader Steve Scalise a couple of years ago, though surely in the hidden recesses of her mind she must have thought something along the lines of “So how does it feel when it’s you?”, given the attempt on her husband’s life not so long ago as the would-be assassin sought her.* Even Mike Pence might have been thinking the same thing as he recalled the January 6th insurrectionists yelling “Hang Mike Pence” and “Where’s Nancy?” as they stormed the Capitol that treasonous and violent day—after being told by Trump that they would have “to fight like hell” if they wanted to keep their country.

After watching news coverage of the event for probably a little over an hour, I turned off the television, and I have not yet read anything about it today or watched further developments. So this is written based on news reporting shortly after the event. It remains to be seen what the repercussions will be. Security will be even tighter for both candidates to be sure. Trump supporters will be even more enraged—of course—and conspiracies will circulate that Biden was behind the attempted assassination. His public appearances may be curtailed as many, many right-wingers will be fantasizing about revenge, and someone, or some group, may even try. Now it is even more unlikely that Biden will drop out of the race since doing so would in the right’s eyes be seen as cowardly. Meanwhile, Trump just got another five million votes.

The last assassination attempt against a president was John Hinckley’s wounding of Ronald Reagan in 1981, in his pathetic attempt to impress an actress. But it had no political overtones. Even Kennedy’s assassination in 1963 (which I well remember as a tenth grader) was mostly apolitical, at least as seen by the general public, if not by the number of conspiracy-mongers who longed for fame with their books. The nation collectively mourned. The 60s certainly erupted, but not yet in 1963. Then there was no huge political divide, no Fuck John Kennedy signs**, no “fight like hell or you won’t have a country anymore” rhetoric spewing from either political party. Things did get uglier beginning in the late 60s, but today’s turmoil has a distinctly Trumpish cast. That is what Trump, the man who just missed death by two inches, has brought us to.

Maybe Trump is “the chosen one,” as he once referred to himself. He grew up rich; he and his father paid a doctor to say that he had bone spurs in his feet to keep him out of Vietnam; he was given millions by his father (despite claiming it was mere thousands); he has been convincingly accused of stiffing numerous contractors as well as other shady practices resulting in his being involved in roughly 4,000 lawsuits prior to his presidency yet has never served a day in jail; he was elected president by an anti-democratic iniquity in the Constitution called the Electoral College which has veto power over the choice of the majority of American voters; he escaped two impeachments, the only president to be impeached twice and only the third to be impeached at all.

His good fortune most certainly does not end there: he has been convicted of sexual assault and thirty-four counts of falsification of business records by paying hush money to a porn actress without, so far, doing a day’s time in jail; his felonies actually increased donations to his campaign; in a single term he got three Supreme Court choices, and he is almost certain to be elected to another term*** where he may get more; the Trump court just ruled that he has immunity from prosecution for any act, apparently including assassinating a political rival or selling US secrets, that might be considered an official action of a president; that very same ruling–slow-walked by the Court–will delay his three other trials past election day, and, presuming he wins, he will be able to dismiss the two federal cases against him for stealing documents and for inciting an insurrection to overturn a fair election. And now, a bullet meant for his head nicks his ear, he survives the assassination attempt, raises his fist in defiance, and will thereby gain enormous sympathy and votes—almost ensuring his re-election. So yep, the gods smile on him—he does seem to be their chosen one. Lucky guy.

* At a rally after Paul Pelosi’s beating with a hammer, Trump sarcastically asked the attendees, “How’s her husband doing, anybody know?” Trump’s mocking was noted by David Frum, while the Trump quote was cited by Adam Serwer.

**As there are Fuck Joe Biden signs.

***Written prior to Biden dropping out

Through the Looking Glass

I have been slack-jaw perplexed by all the claims of the far right about what a corrupt, indeed evil genius and manipulator of the New World Order Joe Biden is. Where are they getting all this unbounded, scratch-your-head buncombe? Where is a scintilla of evidence that Biden has used the judicial system to persecute poor victim Donald Trump? Where is a particle of truth to Biden’s interfering to minimize son Hunter’s judicial woes? Where are all those dollars Joe has made steering foreign diplomats to stay in his hotels? Where are all the dollars extracted from the students at Biden University? Where are all the Biden Brownshirts marching in the streets of Charlottesville? Which judge was it who ruled that the Biden Foundation was guilty of fraud?

I really haven’t been keeping up with all of Joe’s corruption, so maybe you folks in MAGA World could help me with a few more. What was the name of that porn star Joe paid hush money to in order to hide their rendezvous from the public? Which general did Biden ask if he could have the army shoot protesters in the legs? Sorry, I can’t remember, was it a four-star or a three? Which state Secretary of State was it that “gimme a break” Biden called to demand that he find 11,000 more Biden votes? Darn it, my memory is getting so bad, which European president was it that Joe pressured to call for an investigation of Trump and his sons? When was it that Joe told his now-deceased Iraq veteran son Beau Biden that he was a sucker and a loser for his military service? Which rally was it that Biden told his cult that if they didn’t fight like hell they wouldn’t have a country anymore? And—sorry, I must have been dozing—what were those dates that he publicly denied doing all these things?

So anyway, in my galactic-wide naivete, I’ve been wondering about the origins of all the claims of corruption and general depravity spewing from the Biden crime family, and in particular why those claims are so persistent. And finally, finally, the 40 watt light bulb switched on. You do that when your guy (I use masculine nouns and pronouns because I am really talking about Trump and Biden) is himself guilty of those very things. You do it to establish immoral equivalence, or, perhaps better phrased, amoral equivalence. If you are wallowing in the sewer, or if your candidate is, you have to try to convince the electorate that No, you are not covered in feces, despite it covering you from head to toe, but the enemy—not merely your “opponent”—is.

Let’s call it guilt transposition—you transpose your actual guilt to create, ex nihilo, the invented guilt of the other guy. Knowing the amoral or immoral depths of your own candidate, you can hardly sit idly by and allow your enemy to stand on the moral high ground, however legitimately he does so, even if merely by comparison. You have to knock him off that high ground, you have to fake slime him with your own real slime. You’re actually incompetent? No, the other guy is. You’re actually corrupt? No, the other guy is. You as candidate, or you as supporter of that candidate, have long since established that any moral or ethical concern about you or your candidate’s behavior is a preposterous consideration, positively laughable. Honor, shmonor. Hence GOP “investigations” of Biden; hence rumblings of impeachment inquiries, at least until your prime witness turns out to be an established liar; hence a subpoena for Hunter Biden to testify before a congressional kangaroo hearing; hence Biden crime family; hence Biden is “the worst president in history.”* You create a looking glass wonderland, where bad is good, up is down, black is white, false is true—and you repeat it again and again, hoping the electorate is gullible enough to buy it.

*Said by Trump about Biden. A 2024 poll of presidential scholars by the American Political Science Association ranked Biden 14th among our 46 presidents–impressive, I thought, for a one-termer. I looked to see who all the one-term-or-less presidents were and where they ranked in the APSA list. Of those 23 one-termers, Biden was number three, behind John Adams and John Kennedy. Of all presidents, Trump ranks dead last.

Candidate Trump’s Stand on the Nation’s Shark Problem

Background: At a recent Las Vegas Trump rally, the candidate launched into an incoherent riff about being in a boat with heavy, required boat batteries causing the boat to sink, while a large shark was ten yards away, how a girl got her leg bitten off, and how he would rather be electrocuted than be eaten by a shark. Mr. Trump also referred to “my relationship to MIT.” He had an uncle who taught at MIT decades ago and died in 1985. Mr. Trump’s shark scenario is available on youtube. The following is the psychological assessment ordered by Judge Juan Merchan prior to sentencing Mr. Trump after his recent trial. The confidential assessment was leaked to a Real Fake News reporter.

Psychotherapist: Mr. Trump, let’s begin by chatting about your interest in sharks.

Trump: Sure, I love sharks, but they’re scary. I mean, have you ever seen a great white shark? They can swallow you whole. But then when they do, your body starts to give off an acid that makes the shark need to vomit, so if you’re lucky, and if he hasn’t bitten you in two, you might get vomited back up and go on with your life. The other thing is, if you’re in a boat with a big battery—Joe Biden made that a new law—the boat will sink because the Biden battery makes it so heavy. And then the shark comes over, and you can take the cables and, if the shark swallows you, you can electrocute him. You know my uncle worked at MIT and so that’s how I know these things. Electrocute the bastard, Okay?

Psychotherapist: So you’ve spent a good bit of time thinking about this.

Trump: Absolutely. When I was president, we spent a lot of time in Cabinet meetings talking about sharks and the danger they posed to our country. My generals sometimes wanted to talk about Russia or China but I always had to bring them back to the real threats facing us. And now Joe Biden is making the shark threat worse with his boat batteries. It’s a disgrace. I think those boat batteries are attracting them. It’s like radar waves in the water, you know? The radar waves get tangled up in the ocean waves and the sharks come and attack. And the batteries are so heavy. It took four of my army guys to lift one. Boats sinking everywhere. Grizzly bears are bad too. But if you’ve got the boat battery, and the grizzly comes in the water…those bears…. Now what I’d like to see is a grizzly bear fight a great white shark. The one that would win would be the one who could use the battery. But he bit off the girl’s leg, so she couldn’t get to the battery.

Psychotherapist: So as a personal matter, you are very concerned about sharks and grizzlies, more so than threats from non-democratic states?

Trump: Who wouldn’t be? Putin told me one time—he never interfered in our elections, you know—that he got in a fight with a grizzly one time. The grizzly raised his front leg and took a swipe at him, but Vlad used his judo and threw the bear on the ground, and then he used a sleeper hold on him, the bear went to sleep, and Putin just walked away.

Psychotherapist: Let’s move on from threats in the natural world to your views on international, political threats. Are you concerned that….

Trump: That’s a good point, and I agree with you. In China, they have panda bears, and Joe Biden keeps trying to bring them here. They’re like an invasive species, by the way, and soon we’ll be fighting them everywhere if Biden gets elected. He says all they do is eat coconut sticks, but with my MIT background I know better. They can rip off your leg just like a great white shark, believe me. And with their paws, which are huge, they can turn on those batteries and electrocute you. Hey, bears have paws and sharks have jaws. Pretty good, huh? But the Chinese have figured out how to use those batteries to deal with their panda problem. So yeah, that’s a good point you’re making.

Psychotherapist: Actually, I wasn’t trying to make a point. I was asking about your views on political threats. But we can move on. How do you feel about these criminal charges against you?

Trump: Well, they’re all rigged, you know. It’s like the sharks. Those prosecutors are swimming around looking for innocent victims. They’ll try to swallow you, but you just use the battery and zap—they’re gone. And that Judge Merchan is totally corrupt, just like the sharks. And the jurors ought to be shot. Hey look, it’s been great talking to you, and I like all that you know about sharks. Biden doesn’t know anything about sharks. Maybe you could be the Defense Secretary in my next administration. But right now I gotta go meet with my probation officer, so gotta run.

Psychotherapist’s official report: “Case File 1302, New York District Court, Interviewee, Donald J. Trump. Interview date June 13, 2024. Submitted to Judge Juan Merchan, re conviction of Interviewee on charges of falsification of business records in the first degree related to hush money payments to adult film actress Stormy Daniels for purpose of election fraud. Clinical diagnosis: Interviewee is one fucked-up dude.”

Righteous Day

On the point that a twice-impeached but unconvicted former American president and now the Republican nominee seeking re-election was yesterday convicted on all thirty-four counts of election fraud and is thus a convicted felon—on that point yes, one can legitimately say that for the American presidency to be so deeply shamed is sad. Out of forty-six presidents (Grover Cleveland was elected to two non-consecutive terms and his two terms are treated as separate presidencies though forty-five different men have served as president; Biden is thus “forty-six”), only one has the status of either convicted felon or convicted sexual abuser. Donald John Trump has both. It is also sad what continued support for this man says about what the Republican Party, which has chosen him for its 2024 nominee for president, has come to.

But that should not blind us to the clear fact that May 30, 2024 was a glorious day, a righteous day. The judicial system, stressed almost out of joint by a former president and his elected sycophants, worked. The curtain was lifted on all their claims of a rigged system and corruption as those claims were revealed for what they were: the debasement of a political party whose MAGA motto has devolved to “If we don’t win, it was rigged.” This theme has animated the party and particularly its now infamous leader since before the 2020 election when Trump stated it nakedly without even the adornment of fig leaves. And then he did lose, and then, outraged, he lost over sixty court cases clarifying that he lost by their findings of no election fraud.

As I noted at the time, it was wonderfully convenient that there were Republican howls and lamentations of fraud only in the states that Biden won, but not a whiff of fraud in states Trump won. As for those down-ballot Republicans who won in the Biden states? Were they elected through fraud also? No comment from MAGAdom—only the fearful silence of a mouse in a room full of cats. And now two-thirds of the GOP electorate—and virtually all of its officialdom—claim to believe that Trump was cheated out of re-election because Joe Biden is corrupt and the election was rigged. Now that is what is actually sad. What the GOP now bawls for—certainly its MAGA majority does—is a system in which they can never lose in a fair election or even a fair trial; if they lose, ipso facto, it was not fair. This overturning of the two most fundamental measures of democracy, fair elections and fair trials, by one of the two major parties does not augur well for the future, and despots the world over are smiling.

Even so, yesterday was also a righteous day because eighteen citizens, including six alternate jurors in the courtroom every day, were brave enough to accept the role of juror and to hear and see the evidence and render an evidence-based judgment. The judge conducted a trial that was professional and fair. Given Trump followers’ propensity for issuing death threats and committing actual violence (see violent protest, Charlottesville; Pelosi, Paul; insurrection, American), both the prosecutors and Judge Juan Merchan showed considerable courage in following the law. Perhaps they even heard the ancient admonition “Let justice be done though the heavens fall” hovering about their shoulders. The jurors were attentive and seemed to be able to set aside any biases, including the juror who acknowledged being a Truth Social follower (what an ironic name coming from the former president). I believe that I would say the trial was fair even had the verdict been different.

And yet, though the system worked so well in the weeks leading up to yesterday’s righteousness, there are heavy breakers amid the rocks between here and the safety of the shore. Trump-appointed Judge Aileen Cannon has indefinitely delayed Trump’s classified documents trial, ensuring that it will not conclude, or probably even begin, before the election. If Trump wins in November, as she is happily aware, that trial will simply disappear, despite its likely being the closest of the four trials to a slam dunk. Meanwhile the Supreme Court purposefully stalls on Trump’s immunity claim,* also hoping (at least six of them) for a Trump victory in November that will obviate their need to decide whether a sitting president has immunity from prosecution—even if he were to send a SEAL team to assassinate a political rival or give classified documents to a foreign enemy. According to Trump’s lawyers, prosecution even in those cases could only proceed once the president has been impeached and convicted, thus reducing him to a mere citizen no longer above the law. No president has ever been impeached and convicted.

These disturbing undercurrents, especially the anti-democratic dangers posed by the elected MAGA rabble, their angry and gullible constituents, and the two MAGA Supreme Court Justices Alito and Thomas, clearly threaten our judicial system and our democracy. They stand between us and that safe shore. But yesterday was a good day, an American day, a righteous day.

* July 16 update: Judge Aileen Cannon, Trump appointee, dismissed the case altogether, Sunday, July 14, the day after the attempted assassination of Trump, claiming–shockingly–that Special Prosecutor Jack Smith was illegally appointed, since he was not approved by the President and the senate–as if the Special Prosecutor for, say, Hunter Biden had been through such a process. Moreover, this case, in which Trump illegally carted off classified documents to his Florida home, was the closest to an open and shut case among the three federal cases against him. As for the Supreme Court, the six Republican-appointed justices ruled within the last week that presidents are immune from any prosecution argued to be an “official act,” while leaving wholly undefined what constitutes an “official act.” Justice Sotamayor had asked Trump’s defense attorney if sending a Seal Team to assassinate a political rival would be allowable, and he answered that it would be prosecutable only if the president were impeached and convicted–i.e., rendering him a private citizen no longer above the law. The court majority rejected that argument, but appeared to say that any conversation between a president and the attorney general (or anyone?) would not be prosecutable even if they were conspiring to commit a crime, since such a conversation would be an official act. Indeed, it would be very tricky to come up with a presidential action that could not be construed to be an “official act.”

The Arrow from the Longbow

“The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice.”– Martin Luther King, Jr.

Today that arc bent heavily in that direction.

Utter Prostration

So now Nikki Haley says she will vote for Trump. As my wife said, Republican politicos will sell their souls very cheaply these days. It almost begs the question as to whether they were issued one to begin with. For a while, back when Haley took down the South Carolina state flag, one could decently respect her, as I did. But when she raised her hand in that first debate saying she would support Trump if he were the nominee, and when she could not admit that slavery was the cause of the Civil War, she made clear that she was all about personal ambition—not about honor, or integrity, or the good of the country. Now she has erased any doubt. Elected officialdom of the Republican Party has morphed into a jamboree of toadies, cringers, mountebanks, and bootlickers, all clamoring for a touch of the Dear Leader’s hand. The vanishing few who might have brought the party back to decency, or at least to a recognition that Putinism, Trumpism, and autocracy in general are not desirable aspirational goals, have fled the arena (Romney, Kinzinger, Sasse, Burr, Toomey) or been kicked out of it (Cheney, Beutler, Rice). Others—Burgum, Stefanik, Vance, Rubio, the insufferable Ramaswamy—seek even lower ground and further mortification, obscenely soiling themselves for the exalted role of carrying the Dear Leader’s chamber pot as his veep.

What a ghastly parade of trembling obeisance was on display for our edification by those who scurried to a Manhattan courtroom, all bewailing their leader’s Inquisitorial persecution, all prostrating themselves on all fours with arms extended and faces kissing the ground in groveling submission to the grand panjandrum who reigns in their morally pitiful lives. Lapdogs Burgum, Vance, Ramaswamy, Johnson, Rick Scott, Tuberville, Boebert, Gaetz, and almost two dozen other House Republicans all cowered before him, knowingly supporting a despotic authoritarian who instigated a violent, attempted coup against their country, and thus they knowingly undermine democracy itself. With their presence in Manhattan, as Lawrence O’Donnell observed, all were debasing themselves, if further debasement is possible, by aligning with a man known to have paid a porn star to keep a sexual encounter under wraps before an election and shortly after his third son was born. Normally the grovelers might consider their support of extra-marital sex with porn stars a questionable career strategy, not to mention their support of lying about it, but for His sake–and ultimately theirs–exceptions can be made.

Not one of them has a drop of the courage of Navalny in their unwillingness to publicly whisper even a word of reproach, even the barest intimation of doubt, against the man who has said that he would suspend the Constitution and who clearly intends to be an unconstrained dictator. And unlike Navalny, all they might lose is their jobs, not their freedom and their lives. Meanwhile Russia and China are celebrating, clinking their champagne glasses and toasting the cancer metastasizing through the world’s most consequential democracy. Join us, Putin and Xi are saying; and a significant plurality of the country—easily enough to win the Electoral College—is drooling at the prospect of doing so.

Former President Trump Competes on Jeopardy Against Greene and Gaetz

Real Fake News Special Report

Los Angeles

The long-running game show Jeopardy hosted Donald Trump, Marjorie Taylor Greene, and Matt Gaetz in a “celebrity-politico” game which aired last Tuesday. All three contestants had pledged their winnings to a charity of their choice: The MAGA Foundation for Victims of Unfair Elections (Trump), The Ladies’ Auxiliary of The American Society for the Propagation and Preservation of the Insane (Greene), and The National Association for Eyebrow Awareness and Promotion (Gaetz). Despite questions deemed by regular Jeopardy enthusiasts to be absurdly easy (“My four-year-old could have answered every one of them,” complained one former five-time champion), all three contestants were deeply in the hole at the end of Double Jeopardy. Normal rules would have excluded each of them from Final Jeopardy since they had no money to wager. However, since this situation had never arisen before, Jeopardy management conferred and allowed each of them to wager up to $1000 for Final Jeopardy.

The category was U. S. Presidents, and all three contestants wagered their full $1000. The final question seemed at first to perplex two of the three contestants: “He cut down a cherry tree, led American troops in the Revolutionary War, became the first president, retired to Mt. Vernon, and is on the one dollar bill.” Mr. Trump quickly wrote his answer, Arthur Lincoln. After a quizzical stare into space, Ms. Greene seemed to be humming the Jeopardy jingle, confident that the answer had to be a Georgian, and scribbled Jimmy Carter; while Mr. Gaetz, after raising his eyebrows even higher while peeking to try to see Greene’s answer, jotted down Benjamin Franklin just as the jingle ended. Management again conferred and decided to give all three $1000 each. After the game, a Real Fake News reporter asked Mr. Trump about his performance, and the former president complained to a small crowd that the whole game was rigged against him and he was planning to sue the company and talk with the Proud Boys about a protest, adding, “I’ll be standing in their way when these Jeopardy vermin try to come after you.” 

Mr. Trump’s Second Inaugural

I have been given the honor of editing President Trump’s 2025 inaugural speech. The President himself has written the first draft, which I have lightly edited here to eliminate or revise some of the possibly offensive remarks and to give it a more human-like and compassionate quality, while simultaneously allowing Mr. Trump’s quirky but invariably charming historical allusions to remain.

My fellow Americans—or at least the ones who voted for me, and especially the ones from Michigan, Wisconsin, and Pennsylvania—on this the greatest day in American history, I return to the Oval Office after Joe Biden illegally and corruptly stole the 2020 election from me. But don’t worry—he’s headed for jail once I get Steve Bannon in as head over at the Justice Department. Finally that word justice will have some meaning! It sure hasn’t had any meaning with all those fake court cases against me. And don’t worry about my legal expenses; my son Don Jr. will take over the Treasury Department and then those lawyers will get paid. I always pay my debts.

The Democrats better look out! Like I said during the campaign, we’re gonna have some retribution. Those Democrat judges will see how they like it sitting at the defense table. And for those ignorant and corrupt few people who did not vote for me, you can go to hell, and you might go to jail too. I’ll be checking the lists of all those scumbag traitors to our country, like Schiff and Pelosi and, yeah, Pence and Cheney and Killzinger, or whatever the hell his name is. Those vermin are gonna look great in orange jumpsuits! January sixers, you are great patriots, and you’re gettin’ outta jail. And I mean today! I need you in my administration, so start filling out those applications. You guys are gonna be remembered just like James Paine and Thomas Madison and George Jefferson—wait a minute, that was that black guy on TV—oh hell, he can be remembered too. Whatever.

So now that I’m back, we can Make America Great Again. NATO is history! Done! Who needs it? It just gets in the way of letting our friend President Putin do what he needs to do with that Nazi country Ukraine and its mob boss who tried to impeach me, Zezinski. So let’s make Russia great again too! That’s Russian territory anyway. Same for Taiwan—hey, it’s China’s, right? And what has Southern Korea done for us? They all just keep their hands out for good American dollars. Let Putin and those other guys—I forget their names—do whatever the hell they want. We need some Trump hotels in Russia and China and Northern Korea. That’s what real diplomacy is. Screw those so-called European democracies. They just want our money and they’re always whispering behind my back anyway. Besides, they were pulling for the Biden crime family, so they can get a little retribution too. Maybe some carnage! I love that word. Got it from a resaurus. That’s what a good American education will do for ya. We’re gonna bring that back! No more Democrat education! And back to that Europe stuff. Thank God that German dame’s gone. What a dog. Not my type at all.

I love these inaugurations. They’re like my rallies. I think I’ll do one every week. This is the greatest inauguration in history. And hey! It won’t be my last! I’ve decided to do an even better one in 2028—OK, yeah, I know it will really be January of 2029. Some people might be whining about the Constitution—screw ‘em. That guy Fred Roosevelt got FOUR terms! And don’t think he died naturally, either. The Democrats had to bump him off when they found out he was secretly a registered Republican. That’s why he was doing good things for the country—he was a Republican. Well, he was doing some good things. It still kinda pisses me off that he didn’t like my guy in Germany. In fact we should have stayed out of that war. There were some very fine people on both sides, believe me. But he did like my guy in Russia—met with him and everything—so he must not have been too bad.

Down at the border—it’s a disgrace, the worst in American history—we’re sending all these eleven billion Mexicans back. We’re gonna have a new police force dedicated to just doing that. Don’t listen to all those corrupt naysayers who say the economy will collapse. We’ll have the greatest economy ever! And yes, the wall will get built this time, and Mexico will pay for it, believe me. And in dollars, not pesos. I might have to do a little arm-twisting with that Mexico president, but he’ll come around. I’ll be moving some nukes to the border—he’ll see the light. Get it? The “light”?

Some people have wondered why I haven’t chosen my running mate yet for vice-president. So I’m choosing him right now. I’ve decided I’m gonna be the vice-president too. Our great Constitution doesn’t say you can’t, and this way I get to certify the electoral votes when I run in 2028. I’m not having any more Mike Pences screwing that up again. Well, I gotta get to work. This is the biggest inauguration crowd ever in American history! I wanna end with a quote from our second greatest and second tallest president, Abraham Lincoln: “Ask NOT what you can do for your country! Ask what your country can do for YOU!” Thanks for coming, and be sure to send in your donations to the Make America Great Again Foundation! Fifty, a hundred, or five hundred! Do your part to make America great again! And soon Wal-Mart will be carrying my Trump steaks! The greatest steaks in American history! Joe Biden’s a disgrace, the worst in American history! He was such a poor loser he wouldn’t even ride in the limousine with me—said he had to get a haircut. Only I can fix it! I am the chosen one!

« Older entries Newer entries »